Parents behaving badly…
Posted by schoolspirit on 30th April 2008
Spend a year teaching kids and you’ll experience in some form the phenomenon of parents behaving badly. If you’re unlucky, you’ll experience it first hand. If you’re a little luckier or maybe have a knack of keeping them on side yourself, you may only experience it second hand, which can be disturbing enough. Fortunately I’ve managed to get through seven and a half years so far without coming face to face with a fuming, angry and generally belligerent parent. I’ve been fairly fortunate. The worst I’ve had is one pair demanding to know at a parent/teacher interview what I was doing about a boy being bullied (while both boys were happily playing together outside the window, I might add!) and the odd parent asking why their child should stay inside for two minutes after school with the rest of the grade (because the whole lot of the little buggers were acting like a right pack of pills all afternoon!). As I said, I’ve been lucky.
It can be rather sad in many cases too. More often than not, you’ll find that the kid in question is often quite a nice, decently good kid. You’ve got to tread a little carefully for the kid’s sake, as (at least still in primary school level) the kid probably really enjoys being taught by you. You enjoy teaching the poor little bugger yourself too, but there’s always that spooky shadow of the ‘ugly parent’ somewhere nearby just over the horizon - and the wind’s blowing your way.
I found an article from the Age newspaper on the staffroom table after work tonight. I don’t read the Age myself (I’m not clever enough to fold it all back together again), but the ‘Challenging Parents: A Spotter’s Guide’ caught my eye and I gave it a look. I actually had a bit of a laugh at it because the list hasn’t actually done a bad job covering the various types of difficult parent you can face. It was pretty true to form.
The rest of the article, The Parent Trap, is an intriguing read as well, and I recommend you give it a look if this topic is of importance to you in any way. It is fairly lengthy, but it covers a lot of interesting points. We’re always under pressure to find ways to rein in the apparent endless bullying that goes on through schools, but the other side is rarely given air time. According to this article one in two teachers are bullied by parents regularly to various degrees. That wouldn’t surprise me, to be honest, but as I said, I’ve been one of the fortunate ones.
Either that or I’ve been too preoccupied or ever so slightly laid back to actually realise it! That’s always a possibility.
The six categories of difficult parents are listed at the end of the article on the sixth page. I’ll list them here for posterity anyway, just keep in mind they’re not my work, eh? I don’t want to get into trouble!
Challenging parents: A spotter’s guide
- Overprotective - always hovering, wanting to know everything about their children. It only takes one story from their child for them to be on the phone and in the principal’s office, often without checking facts.
Want all problems fixed in their child’s favour.
- High maintenance - short-sighted parents who believe their child is perfect and should be the centre of the school’s universe.
Often make a fuss over minor issues. Tend to create a vacuum that sucks in principals who have a strong wish to help others.
- Power trippers - those who use bluff, bluster, threats or power to get their own way at home and work. A bullying parent who can sense fear or weakness and will tackle a tentative, young teacher rather than going to the principal’s office.
- Angry parents - can be aggressive or withdrawn. Can generally be heard before they are seen. Can escalate their anger and be unpredictable. Won’t listen until they calm down. Anger centres on gaining control or damaging others.
- At-risk parents - those going through turbulent and vulnerable times such as a marriage breakdown, business problems or experiencing difficulties with their children. This group includes violent, mentally ill or addictive parents.
- Disengaged - the opposite of the helicopter parents. They don’t come to school, parent-teacher interviews or school events. Often have an immature view of child-rearing and will look to the school to care for and discipline their children.
I recognise all six varieties from my own experiences, but let me also say this. Most of the parents I’ve had the pleasure of meeting, working with and sharing the lives of their kids have been great. I actually enjoy the interaction and a bit of friendly banter between myself and the parents and I think it probably speeds up any issues of trust they may have when you teach their kids for the first time. Here’s just a quick run through of my experiences with parents. As I said, I don’t consider them all that scary in the least, but I’ve probably been lucky.
Every year, usually for the first three weeks, I get lots of parents wandering around, poking their heads in every now and then to see what’s going on in the room. I think these three weeks are that ‘okay, he’s doing a decent job, let’s go home and have a cuppa from now on instead‘ cooling off period. After that, I barely see them anywhere near the room except for when they turn up to tell me about a doctor’s appointment or are dragging their son in by the ear to change his reader before he goes home to play the X-box.
Other than that, I rarely have many issues, but I think that has a lot to do with actively going out to speak with the parents and share a joke with them. Often at their child’s expense! I also enjoy winding down after work some days by cheering some of the kids on at the odd sports game. I’m pretty sure that reputation has passed through the grape vine over the years (although I don’t broadcast it myself!) and I think that aids in the trust issue too.
If there’s one piece of advice I could give on this issue then, I suppose it would be to think about sharing a laugh or two with these parents as a deterrent to any major ‘ugly parent’ incidents in the future. One final example would be this. Several years ago, I taught one particular boy who had a bit of a reputation, as did one of his parents. They turned up at the parent teacher interview but I was ready. When his mum asked ‘Well… tell me about Johnny’ (they’re all called Johnny, eh?), before his old man could draw breath to fuel any rage, I just answered ‘well… I like him at least!’
That sort of knocked any wind out of his sails and he barely said a word for the rest of the interview!
While the following little comic is based on true events (see The Easter Ferret and The Ferret Song entries!), I wouldn’t recommend an approach like this though shown below. Miss Conway can pull something like this off. I don’t think I’d have the guts!
Related Posts: Parents drunk at school events, Scoring for basketball… leads me to drink, The Easter Ferret, The Ferret Song
Posted in Teaching Tutorials, The Parents | 8 Comments »



Here’s a little poem that’s been a favourite of mine for a while. It was written by one T.S. Watt in the Manchester Guardian, which I assume is a newspaper from Manchester. As to the date, I don’t know. I’ve got it published in a hard cover book about the crazy language of English. It probably works best if you read it out loud - but be warned! Just because it’s using the same letter patterns for words, don’t expect them to all use the same sounds! I’ll just let you read it for yourselves!
Found 
I finished today feeling a lot of pride.
Today was the last day in the classroom this week. Tomorrow is our House Sports day, and Friday is ANZAC Day itself, so today was the final chance I had to pass on a few of the stories about Gallipoli to the kids and try to get across at least some of the tragedy, humour and sheer grit and nobility of those ‘first’ ANZACs in 1915. I suppose I might as well start at the beginning.